I’m not sure exactly where the shift occurred. I have to assume it was when my hubby and I stepped into a role with more responsibility in our church, but somewhere along the line I obviously crossed a line into “preparation” mode. I can tell because it seems like I have more and more battles to fight as of late. Overcoming offense being a major one.
There is a battle that I am constantly having to fight in my heart. I tell the Lord in a moment of frustration “Lord, I CHOOSE to forgive this person”, and at least once a month the situation that caused the offense comes back to mind and I find myself upset all over again. I started getting discouraged last week because I just cannot seem to get past this situation. In all honesty, it happened YEARS ago, and it wasn’t a big deal, but for some reason it cut me…. deep. Despite the fact that I have actually verbalized “I forgive this person” the temptation keeps coming back and I find myself falling back into unforgiveness.
It’s a dangerous place to be and I know that, which is why it has been so frustrating for me. I have the DEEPEST desire to truly set this person free in my heart. My anger is not something that is bothering them… it’s bothering me….and it’s keeping me bound. I had a moment of revelation though in our LIFE group this past Monday and I’m so thankful. The Lord always comes through right on time and this was no exception. As I said, last week I started getting really discouraged because I could not get past this, and on Monday I received just what I needed to overcome. Our lesson was speaking about Unforgiveness and below is the portion that gave me my answer:
Is there anyone you need to forgive? God will give you the power to release them…Pray for God’s blessing on their lives. Do like Jesus did in response to those who crucified Him: ask God to forgive them because “they know not what they do.”
Now I know that this seems so simple. I know you all know this already. Truth is, I’ve sat under years of sermons that have brought this same principle to light. Sometimes though, you just have to be in the heat of battle for revelation to occur. Things that you wouldn’t read twice any other day suddenly come to light. Know what I’m saying? This was that moment for me. You know it’s God because my flesh does NOT want to pray blessing on someone who has done me wrong, but I’m looking forward to it! I hope that this helps you in some way as well.
P.S. I’ve thought long and hard about my vision for this blog. I’ve tossed around the idea of conforming to every other blog out there. Pretty pictures, blurbs about my family, etc. I believe I’m supposed to keep moving forward in the direction I’ve been heading this whole time though. I want this blog to be a place where I can share revelation I receive and (hopefully) offer encouragement to you. I’m not saying that the cutesy posts will not occur in the future, but for the most part, this is just a place for me to vent. I’m not interested in followers…though I love you all. I’m just doing this more so as a way of putting words to my feelings. I hope you’ll continue to follow. Looking forward to the future!